Reading 2 people’s blog about a 40 day dating project has inspired me to write more about my emotions and maybe write through some foggy areas in my life. The blog has a daily structured questionnaire that I find helpful and will use to get out what happened to me today without feeling daunted by the task of recording all the details and deciding where to even start.
Was today a good day?
What did you do today?
I went to pick up my bicycle that I had left overnight on the other side of town, went to Fed-Ex, met up Slinn for lunch. We ate delicious Thai food with $1.75 Thai iced tea..whhhatt?? That stuff is usu $3.00 in Cali!!! Went to work. My 3-yr old client is freakin adorbs! He loves fruit and that’s all he ever wants to eat. “Can I have a banana? Can I have a plum? Can I have strawberries? I want another banana. Can I eat an apple?” And he also likes jicama!
Did anything interesting happen?
It is interesting to work in the homes of other people and see the family dynamics of different households, different ways to raise children, and inter-spousal relationships. Today the family had hired someone to clean the exterior of their home with high pressured hoses. I didn’t even know people did that.
Did you learn anything new about the world/life?
Some birds have feathers that are spiraled like flowers! (I was flipping through a National Geographic Mag in a waiting room)
Did you learn anything new about yourself?
My primary love language is quality time and I realized I haven’t been having any meaningful conversations or spending good quality time with people in the past monthish. Time to get back out into the world.
How do you feel about life right now?
Optimistic, restless, ready to move back to NY
Is there anything that you want to do differently?
I need to get back to working out.
Reading this blog has also made me realize I haven’t done anything creative in a while either, and that it would be cool to collab with someone on something artful.
Here’s the link:
I really admire how honest the writers are online. I want to get better at not worrying about what people think about me.— which is one of the main keys to more happiness!
“The reason death sticks so closely to life isn’t biological necessity- it’s envy. Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it, a jealous, possessive love that grabs at what it can.”
i love this song!
"In Mexico, they say when someone you love dies, a part of you dies with them. But they forget to mention that a part of them is born in you- not immediately, I’ve learned, but eventually, and gradually. It’s an opportunity to be reborn. When you are in between births, there should be some way to indicate to all, ‘Beware, I am not as I was before. Handle me with care.’"
-Sandra Cisneros, Have You Seen Marie?
"Certainly, travel is more than the seeing of sights, it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living."
I am only on page 5 of this book. I still feel mighty waters all around me, but I can also feel a path beneath my feet again.
For now, the only time I feel completely safeguarded from anxiety is when I am dancing. ( I hope that after reading this book I will be better at meditation and being present in every moment.) God def knows his business and has granted me the opportunity to train with Funkanometry! :]] I am back up to 6 hours of dance per week, and, in conjunction with the warm sunshine, have started to run outside again.
This past weekend at retreat with Funks, I was able to let go of some heaviness I had been carrying around inside ever since mom passed. It was a healing I did not expect, especially since I didn’t want to go in the first place. (The thrill I used to get from being in large groups of potential friends, vanished and was replaced with dread. Maybe because all my energy was used up caring for fam, or maybe some of my spirit departed with mom. Nevertheless God broke down many walls this weekend, and I feel lighter.)
I turned in a job app today. My generous computer savvy brother help me fix my computer by giving me directions over fb chat, making it possible to type out my application!
Everything He wants done, He will get done. I am just difficult to work with at times because I often veer off the path into Distraction Land, (what lives in this land? mostly boys, and anxiety, and pride) inhibiting focused meditation and prayer.
Haven’t been writing for a while, not on paper either.
The span from fall to winter has been a gradient of emotions, frustrations, and events getting lighter and lighter as this new chapter of life begins.
I took a job at a sandwich/salad place last year, chopping vegetables and fanning avocados, the best thing to do at the time where the only thing that could calm my mind was a repetitive mind-not-required-to-be-present job.
New Years Eve was a blur, and I wasn’t really present there either.
These past couple months I felt like I was bobbing around in a pool of dissatisfaction, not being able to do meaningful work, wasting time, not loving, not caring, not being wanted, not having a purpose. Now, looking back, it is pretty clear that my purpose is to be here and take care of the family. And perhaps I did not see my purpose because I did not want to, or I was too angry to accept that mission.
My phone was taken on NYE, but luckily I was eligible for an upgrade. This has been a real blessing because I was able to get real smart phone! I also found my Clipper Card that I had lost ever since getting back from New York.
The Clipper and my phone are my “GO GO Gadget FLOW!!” items! Time to start moving again! hello 2013!
Today, I confirmed my 2 weeks notice, signed up for a small group, signed up to be in a flash mob, and started planning a trip to Yosemite with my friend who is coming to visit from Taiwan.
What perfect timing God has for everything. A big question on my mind lately has been, what if the things I love to do, serve no purpose to others? What if I do not contribute fruitfully to the earth? And then I signed on to tumblr and God answered me with this post:
“Don’t ask what the world needs.
Ask what makes you come alive,
and go do that.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
They also printed part of my photo essay about the homeless who build their own domestic spaces out of public space. You can see the rest of it here.
This was one of the hardest projects to do. It’s legal to photograph anyone in public space, but the homeless don’t have a private space to retreat to if they don’t want to be photographed. I felt like I was violating what little privacy they had.
Blake Fall-Conroy, “Minimum Wage Machine,” 2008-2010
This machine allows anyone to work for minimum wage for as long as they like. Turning the crank on the side releases one penny every 4.97 seconds, for a total of $7.25 per hour. This corresponds to minimum wage for a person in New York.
This piece is brilliant on multiple levels, particularly as social commentary. Without a doubt, most people who started operating the machine for fun would quickly grow disheartened and stop when realizing just how little they’re earning by turning this mindless crank. A person would then conceivably realize that this is what nearly two million people in the United States do every day…at much harder jobs than turning a crank. This turns the piece into a simple, yet effective argument for raising the minimum wage.
Here’s a piece that another artist is working on that could also help inspire change in the U.S. government. He’s trying to raise money to send every U.S. Senator a copy of Dr. Seuss’ “The Zax.” They clearly should have paid more attention to stories about compromise like this in kindergarten. Indiegogo.com/TheZaxProject.